A mathematician has attempted to disprove the existence of vampires mathematically.
Of course, we all know that vampires only RARELY will spawn other vampires. They usually choose to just kill their prey the old fashion way. Why create more competition for food? Creating a new vampire is a significant amount of effort on the part of the other vampire. It only stands to reason, that vampires may only RARELY create a new vampire, like maybe once a decade or so.
Also, he seems to assume that all vampires live forever. But any fan of Buffy knows that vamps get spiked off on a regular basis. There is destruction from sun exposure, the occasional angry mob, and of course vampire suicide (who wants to live forever?). Without a PROPER estimation of vampire mortality, the entire exercise is moot.
Keep vigilant, scoobies! Don’t let something like “math” or “science” from purchasing my complete Undead Defense Kit (link coming soon!), soon to be launched on this very website. It will offer a full line of defense equipment to help battle vampires, werewolves, and of course the occassional zombie outbreak.
Of course, due to the need for fresh garlic, I can only guarantee effectiveness to customers who buy the Full Defense Subscription, with monthly deliveries guaranteed to arrive just before the next full moon. Don’t be caught by the undead without it.
(I knew that IVY league math degree would come in handy someday).
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